Feeling lonely is something we’ve all experienced at some time in our life, but usually only for brief periods. But what happens when the inner feeling of loneliness becomes increasingly pervasive and we can’t shake it off? How do we cope with it? More importantly, how can we be free of it?
The long term effects of loneliness
People who experience long-term loneliness are usually those who feel uncomfortable about being alone, wrongly believing this is causing the feeling. They will quite likely seek company, and then feel bewildered when the feeling remains, and is often exacerbated, even when they are with others. Ever heard the phrase ‘feeling lonely in a crowd’? For many people, this is a common experience. Lonely people will often seek to distract themselves in unhealthy ways, maybe by over-eating, drinking alcohol, gambling, shopping or overworking. Briefly, they will feel better but then the lonely feeling returns, so they distract themselves yet again. It then becomes a vicious circle of Feel Lonely>Distract>Feel Lonely.
What are feelings for?
Ask this question of almost anyone you know, most likely they will look puzzled and struggle to find an answer. We accept that we have feelings but never question why. As children, we are often encouraged to suppress our feelings because it is considered socially unacceptable to express them in public, especially in our Northern hemisphere. You may have been told ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Don’t be a cry baby’ or that it wasn’t OK to be angry. Chances are that if you complained of being bored, you were given short thrift and dispatched with instructions to ‘go and find something to occupy yourself’. What a shame no-one ever took the time to explain how important our feelings are. Rather than suppressing them, far better to understand that they were given to us as a natural guidance system, designed to help us understand which of our needs aren’t being satisfied, and to motivate us to take action to fulfil those needs.
The real cause of loneliness
In truth, the feeling of loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. It is a very old feeling that comes from deep within us, from our subconscious mind, triggered by memories, conversations, photos, books, films, TV or even a passing thought! The feeling usually started when we were very young, probably before the age of 5, and because of lack of experience, misperceptions, or neglect by others, we felt lonely on one or more occasions, and this also caused us to feel sad. The subconscious mind never deletes, so the lonely-and-sad feelings remain firmly stored until accessed and changed. Over the years, the subcon ‘helpfully’ replays the feeling in any situation which it regards as similar to the earliest experiences, and each successive time we feel lonely, the feeling is strengthened and stored back in the subcon. Little wonder that, as the years go by, we feel increasingly lonely!
A healthy way to conquer loneliness
Hypnotherapy can help you explore and transform the underlying causes of the inner feelings of loneliness, so you can feel happier and more content on the inside; free to choose your own company or the company of others, in the knowledge that either will be equally acceptable and pleasurable!
Article written by Niki Cassar - Templecombe
Niki Cassar is a highly-trained Hypnotherapist and Past Life Regressionist. Following completion of her training in the UK, she became one of the first therapists in the UK to travel to the USA to do intensive training with Calvin Banyan, recognised as being one of the world's most inspired and dedicated... [read more]