Does this sound like your story? It was mine.
It was some time ago that I needed to find my first therapist, yes I said first. I found the process rather daunting at the time, adding to my requirement or need to see a therapist but I wasn't sure how or what different therapists there were. I was lucky I support as I had a family member who was a Counsellor, but I hadn't let them know what was going on at the time (they knew later on).
I was about to have what most people would call a Breakdown but I thought I could manage, that I could cope with the struggles and stresses I was going through at the time, this is over 20 years ago now. I was having a lot of issues with bereavement, divorce, redundancies (yes, plural) and moving. With studying at the time and with moving, having to do a lot of travelling in order to sustain this study, this put a toll on me. I'd not really dealt with 3 bereavements or 3 redundancies (they say things come in 3's).
So what was I to do? I'd always been the Strong One, the one everyone else came to. But now I was struggling, a lot. Work was good but I knew something was wrong, finances were a struggle, I was one of those not-so-absent fathers, who took on the bills, made sure they saw their child and did everything they possibly could for their child short of being physically there, even at the expence of eating. They were relentless, I ended up not having to pay so much but I still did. I'm sure others can relate to this.
Now we have the issue, everything came crashing down when one day I stopped, looked at my team leader and said "I need to see a Doctor, I have no idea what I was just doing". Calling the Doctor (I didn't know who else to call) and without knowing, demonstrated that I was really very poorly and got signed off for 6 months. I needed support but where do I go, I needed help but who was I to get it from?
So, the first port of call, the Doctor. They advised I went and had some Therapy, some Counselling, so I contacted the University I was with and was put in touch with a Counsellor, I couldn't manage with them, so the Doctor put me forward for CBT, they said I needed other Therapy and put me forward for Group Therapy. I slept during meditations, twice. I was told I needed 1-2-1 Counselling and was put forward again for CBT, the Counsellor said I needed Therapeutic Counselling. This all messed with my head but I persevered.
After four different Counsellors, I finally got one at the local University whom I could work with and spend some or most of the first few sessions crying. Yes men, it is ok to cry, even if you keep it to personal space. The Counsellor dealt with General Counselling, using Gestalt and Person Centred approaches. We actually dealt with Grief, not just bereavement. I didn't know that loss of job, home, lifestyle, place, partners, children, purpose, were all part of the grieving process.
Eventually I came out the other side and decided that I was going to study whilst I worked, eventually so I could become a Counsellor, to give back for what others did for me. I started work with my family member who was a Counsellor, we discussed some of the things I was training with. We also spoke about the type of Therapist I was to become, what I was going to specialise in.
The struggles I had in finding a Therapy, finding a Therapist that worked for me was difficult, but not impossible. I hope that by reading this, you too can find your therapist and not be disheartened by the struggle to find you once more.
Shaun Arthur
Counsellor - SLA-Counselling.com