HOW do YOU deal with CHANGE  ?

Constant change is part of life, but big changes can create uncertainty and upheaval and many people really dread change .

The breakup of a relationship or loss of a job that you weren’t prepared for, comes as unwelcome change that can be shocking and traumatic.  Even planned change, such a kids leaving for university can be daunting.

Perhaps you have exciting changes ahead, but you still have a few niggling doubts that you prefer not to voice ?

Maybe you long for change, because you feel stuck or trapped in a life where you feel you have few options available to you. So you get lost in wishful thinking, hoping that an event will come along and change everything, without you having to make any difficult decisions.

So how do you deal with change, or make it happen if that feels scary ?

Start by noticing what it is that you feel about the changes you are facing.  Owning up to your feelings is the best first step, and acknowledging those feelings (even if you are not very proud of them) is helpful. 

Fear is the most common emotion linked to change, because big changes send us into the unknown,( and we feel much safer with what is familiar).  Fear is uncomfortable, and can be painful.  Try and unravel what it is that you fear (there might be a long list) write things down or talk to someone you trust;  naming those fears and being specific, really helps. 

Accept how you feel, and give yourself time to sit with those feelings.  There is no time frame for dealing with something difficult; everyone handles things differently.  An unwelcome change involves some sort of loss, and part of the process is learning to live within and around that loss.  

Emotional pain is hard to bear, but experiencing the pain (and not hiding from it)  is what forces us to learn, to grow and to adapt.  If you have a tendency to comfort eat or drink, or binge on TV or social media, or even over work, recognise what you are doing and question why.  What happens when you spend time alone just thinking ?  It might feel miserable in the beginning, but that is where the Healing starts.

Start with small steps such as finding 1 or 2 positive things that have (or will) come about as a result of the change. 

If you are having doubts about a positive change, listen and really question whether those doubts are just nerves, or whether your intuition is trying to tell you something.  Don’t ignore your intuition, and don’t let other people persuade you to do something that you ‘feel’ isn’t right for you. Always listen to your gut instinct.

Feeling stuck and longing for change, can keep you in a perpetual cycle of ‘stuck’.  Often the conviction that you are stuck, comes from a fear of other people’s reaction. Fear in this instance usually comes from a bad past experience, which forms the belief that it’s too dangerous to be completely honest (so you catastrophise  about the fallout of being honest, and instead spend years in misery).  Talking to someone, helps you to unravel what you really feel and want.  Visualising in detail, a different and better future, focusses the mind on new possibility, and begins the process of moving towards that future, and away from the life you no longer want.

Heal that hurt.  Trauma leaves emotional scars which can have a long term impact.  Whether you have experienced a difficult event, feel stuck, or are dreading a pending change, there are many forms of Healing that can help.  Self help to start your Healing process, comes in the form of talking with a trusted friend, reading and journaling.  Working on your emotional intelligence by learning to understand yourself better is a very good place to start.  Looking after yourself by eating well, balances blood sugar and mood swings.  Yoga connects you to your body; the movement is therapeutic and the right teacher will incorporate mind / body connection, which helps you to feel calmer and find inner peace.

Professional help, so you are not leaning too heavily on friends, or compromising people’s trust,  can make a huge difference, and save you from much agonising and prolonged pain.  Meet any therapist before you commit to working with them, they need to be someone you feel comfortable with.  Sessions don’t have to be all serious, if that is not your style, find someone who can bring different energy into a session, so you leave feeling lighter and more positive.

What therapies work ? There is so much out there and they all promise great things.  Go towards what you are drawn, to or to something that crosses your path.  Sometimes the universe sends us just the help that we need, at just the right moment.  So be open to what comes your way, and what ‘feels right’.

Michele Poulton is Holistic Coach based in Guildford and also working on Zoom. Offering various therapies including Life coaching, EFT (tapping),  & holistic Counselling, to can help you to cope with change in your life.

Life coaching can guide you to unravel what your options are, and to change the way you view your situation. EFT is a proven and highly effective method to heal the past and change your beliefs.  Holistic Counselling offers deep listening, combined with gentle Healing and guidance for when life feels overwhelming.