Article Archive

April 2019 (6)

March 2019 (2)

February 2019 (18)

January 2019 (3)

December 2018 (7)

November 2018 (2)

October 2018 (4)

September 2018 (1)

August 2018 (2)

July 2018 (2)

June 2018 (2)

May 2018 (8)

April 2018 (3)

March 2018 (4)

February 2018 (2)

January 2018 (6)

December 2017 (1)

November 2017 (9)

October 2017 (8)

September 2017 (4)

August 2017 (4)

July 2017 (4)

June 2017 (1)

May 2017 (3)

April 2017 (4)

March 2017 (1)

February 2017 (2)

January 2017 (1)

December 2016 (5)

November 2016 (3)

October 2016 (5)

September 2016 (7)

August 2016 (5)

July 2016 (2)

June 2016 (1)

May 2016 (2)

April 2016 (8)

March 2016 (16)

February 2016 (2)

January 2016 (19)

December 2015 (7)

November 2015 (30)

October 2015 (47)

September 2015 (39)

August 2015 (33)

July 2015 (59)

This Week's Top Stories

  1. Nail biting: not just a habit
  2. Reiki: A Natural Healing System for Health and Wellbeing
  3. EMDR - Recommended for the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Anxieties Disorders - Depression
  4. Letting Go of Struggle.
  5. Moving On: Transition, Change and the Hope of New Beginnings
  6. The Four Aspects of Reiki Healing, Personal Development, Spiritual Discipline and Mystic Order:
  7. Living with the Rhythms of the Seasons
  8. The harm in making judgements
  9. NLP and Hypnotherapy for Weight Loss and Emotional Eating
  10. Satisfaction in life: the ultimate algorithm
Louise Shuttleworth

What teens might say to a parent to avoid conflict

Posted by Louise Shuttleworth

1247 Days Ago

Mum, Dad, I would like 20 mins of your active presence and that means looking at me and really attuning to what I am saying without reacting to what I say. If I am still angry and talking about it has not calmed me down, I suggest you come back in 20 mins and hopefully I will have put into place some skills to self regulate.

For example breathing in for 2, out for 3, hold for 1, triggers my rest relax nervous system or going for a walk or listening to music.

I agree that sometimes I push the boundaries. I don’t mind getting some consequences when I do but make it a suitable fit please and ensure if happens that day. Please don’t punish me after that day as I am likely to feel shamed and distrustful of you in the future. Lets not avoid conflict, I need to be heard. Sometimes I may need you to voice for me, possible feelings and check it out. By paraphrasing what I am saying, it makes me feel heard. There's some ideas in a book called Brain storm by Dan Hughes that you might like to check it out. He describes it PACE which stands for Plafulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy..

Within my brain this offers integration with the two brain hemispheres, the left brain (thoughts) and the right brain (emotional). In this way, your child’s voice is heard and thoughts and feelings are validated and this then leads to empathy. In this way, you offer me emotional containment and staying calm yourself also models emotional regulation. In this way, you avoid shaming me, your child about their feelings and that in turn leads to the emotional connection so I can  trust you with my feelings.

As much as I don’t always like to admit it, I do like a bit of consistency around the house. But can you be clear from the beginning on the rules of the house so there’s no confusion later.

When I do push the boundaries, can you please ensure the consequences fit the event i.e. they are not punitive as again, I am unlikely to trust you if the punishment is too severe.

I really like to be nurtured and encouraged so can you remember to praise me too. Please don’t expect me to act like an adult as I am a teen and my brain is changing a lot.

Finally it’s your responsibility to repair breakdowns not mine. You will know when things are okay, as it will feel like melting.

Thanks Mum and Dad

Louise Shuttleworth

Article written by Louise Shuttleworth - Brighton

I offer long and short term psychotherapy for the full range of issues including depression, OCD, and eating disorders. I offer an integrative approach offering solution focused therapy, CBT, DBT, and mindfulness based techniques and is a trained Cognitive Behavioural Coach (AC). I support individuals, couples and young people.
My work with... [read more]

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

View Profile

Find us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter

© Find a Private Tutor Ltd, 2019 / View our Privacy Policy / Website by Simon Hix.