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Matt Valentine-Chase

You Are Not Alone

Posted by Matt Valentine-Chase Counsellor 135 Days Ago


It's Time.

Feeling lost? Alone? Or do you just get that sense that something isn't quite right? Prepare for woo woo....

There is a difference between how we feel individually, and what we are picking up from the group consciousness. Sometimes there is a resonance between the two: obvious, say, if we feel stressed about money and there is a cost of living crisis. Sometimes not so obvious, if we have a feeling of impending doom and don't actually know many others do too.

Other times, there is no apparent resonance between how we feel and how 'they' out there feel. It could though, be having an impact. Let me give you an example. Once upon a time I arrived at my spiritual teacher's house for a consultation. I was in a good mood, just there for a Healing session. A few minutes after I arrived, I was sitting in the waiting room wanting to end myself. Sudden, imploding depression that seemed to come from nowhere.

“He's dying!” she screamed in my face after she had said goodbye to her previous client. She was referring to him.

“You felt fine when you got here didn't you? I just made a huge breach of confidentiality, but you needed to know, this is how sensitive you are, that client is dying from cancer, he has a wife who is only interested in his money and children that don't speak to him, he's alone, and you soaked that all up the moment you walked through the door”.

Welcome to the life of an empath.

You don't need to be an empath to feel the emotions of others, or, indeed: the group consciousness.

There is an off feeling that has been around for a while. The pandemic triggered a deep, dark, spooky little demon called 'Dark Night of the Soul' for many, whether we believe in this stuff or not. This is why I am being brave in telling you – it affects everyone, regardless of our beliefs on life or god, or whatever. It is far, far beyond all that. This is a black foggy dense deep opportunity. To do things differently.

It's time.

I'm a therapist, obviously, but I wonder if even this: the traditional therapy process, is the right tool now for so many who used to gravitate to this support. For some, of course it can be helpful. I wonder though, if what we need now is simpler than this. How do you feel when you spend a long time on your own? At first it can feel welcome, but what about a week, two weeks, a month later?

We are interdependent by nature and need our tribes to truly function.

Immediately after the pandemic lockdowns I had a visit from a friend. When she hugged me I realised that I hadn't been touched in weeks. I melted into her. During the pandemic I had feelings of isolation and lostness that threatened to overwhelm me. I am lucky in that I had friends and practitioners who I could connect with, online and then in person when the restrictions lifted. It was a deep dive into aloneness but then a reconnection that taught me a lot about our human needs.

Now we are in a different time but it does very much feel like a 'post disaster' atmosphere. Like we haven't yet found our feet, our connections: our tribe.

It's time.

I have an acquaintance who is a disaster planner. She advises governments (who often don't listen) on disaster planning such as pandemics and other major natural or man-made disasters and crises. She has said that the post disaster impact generally lasts ten years (wow) but decades to fully recover, if indeed we do.

Stay with me, I am not being doom and gloom.

I am being real about where we may be at because I very much believe that it is time to come back together. I think we need to do this differently, informally and from the heart. If you need traditional therapy, go for it. If you feel that is too deep a dive for you and you just need to feel connected again, may I make a suggestion?

I think that before we connect with others, we need to connect with ourselves first. Those alone isolated moments I spent during the pandemic were forced upon me, as they were for so many others. Whilst it impacted my mental health it did also gift me with something. It showed me, as my friend hugged me, just how interconnected we are. I don't think the realisation of this would have been so impactful had I not had the moments of isolation first.

The darkness is painful to experience but the light immediately after – can be lifting.

I assume you are/have already done the darkness. So I would cheekily suggest that now is the time to reach out and connect to the light.

I am reaching right back.

BIG hug!

Matt VC X